I am saying we love meat more than Lady Gaga and also more than lady Gaga loves meat.
My roommate had made up his mind not to eat meat. He said he wanted to prove himself he can do without it. When I first came here, he looked so determined I had the impression he had sold his soul to the Devil. Then I found out that the Devil doesn't accept more than two offers per flat. My other roommates had already sold their souls to make the extinction of the ants possible in the whole wide kitchen. Plus, being a rational being I concluded thatthe Devil wants people to eat meat. My rationality never abandons me.
1.Jesus is a historical figure. He was Jesus but he died old.
2.Harry Potter exists somewhere out there. He is a magician but he cannot have children. No one escapes Voldemort so many times without a flaw.
So this roommate that did not eat meat is also a Muslim so I figured hmm ok, if it' s about something as super serious as religion I can try at least not to make fun of him. I didn't try hard.
He would not eat meat. He had already started buying vegetarian schnitzels. He had made me try the schnitzel having a victorious smile upon his face. He had actually knocked on my door, while I was getting ready for a night out, with a bite on a fork to make sure he will not miss out on my surprised face at the similar taste. Vegetarian meat tastes like meat. That exciting discovery however, turned out not to be enough for my young Arab friend.
Two months passed. Today it became pretty clear to all of us that he started eating meat again and it's as official as it gets. He was eating sausages. I told him I was disappointed and I really am. You cannot even trust a Muslim anymore. I feel people let go of their goals for a sausage. Please stay focused on the literal meaning. He was laughing." Where are your ideals man? Animals get slaughtered. Stop eating meat. Don't take us as an example. You know we suck. Look at us. Everyday we're complaining about our tongue being red, or food poisoning. And it's not that we cook. It's the meat man I am telling you. Plus you look sooo good, I think you lost 7 pounds. I've never seen you looking any better". In vain did I try to hold on to humanity. He hadn't lost weight. He said "I know it's good being vegetarian and I did have the chance to eat proper food, but I got sick of all the crap I was eating".
He still doesn't eat pork though. But my faith in people will never be the same again.
See, you don't actually need relationships to become cynical. Damn you veggie hypocrites!
.JPG)
